ROOT: Let’s celebrate President Obama’s presidency

Posted by on January 2, 2015
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President Barack Obama speaks during his end of the year press conference in the briefing room of the White House in Washington, December 19, 2014. Photo: REUTERS

President Barack Obama speaks during his end of the year press conference in the briefing room of the White House in Washington, December 19, 2014. Photo: REUTERS

I am President Barack Obama’s college classmate from Columbia University, Class of ’83. Back in 1981 when my Columbia classmates heard my hero President Ronald Reagan had been shot, they erupted in joy. They celebrated by jumping up and down, cheering, hugging, and giving each other high-fives. They screamed, “YES! Reagan is dead. They got the bastard!” I witnessed it all, first-hand. My radical leftist classmates thought a conservative legend was dead and this was cause for celebration. I remember thinking, “they are celebrating like it’s New Year’s Eve.” Afterall that’s what you do on New Year’s- celebrate!

That memory inspired me to write a column celebrating Obama as we remember 2014 and enter the new year of 2015. Let’s not rehash the bad stuff…the disastrous stuff…the tragic stuff…the decline and perhaps even death of America at the hands of a radical Big Brother tyrant. That’s not the way to celebrate New Year’s. Let’s look at the bright side. You know- the glass is half full.

You might ask “What is the positive side of the Obama presidency?” Well there are a few groups that should celebrate.

For my fellow constitutional and second amendment patriots, Obama is the greatest gun salesman in history. Over 70 million guns have been purchased since Obama took office. This man opens his mouth, reads from the teleprompter, and INSTANTLY Americans are inspired to buy all-time record quantities of guns and ammo. If you’re a fan of the second amendment (or a gun dealer), Obama has been the answer to your prayers.

For my fellow fiscal conservatives and capitalists, Obama is the greatest gold salesman ever. Conservatives love gold. Gold after all is the antidote to a debt crisis and lack of confidence in a reckless or incompetent government. That’s why record sums of gold were bought during the past 6 years. Central bankers worldwide bought more gold in one recent year than in half a century (since 1964). Fiscal conservatives (and gold dealers) rejoice. Obama is a walking billboard for God, guns, and GOLD!

Obama is also the greatest thing to ever happen to print shop owners. While the rest of us are struggling to keep our heads above water, print shop owners can’t keep up with the demand for “Going Out of Business” and “Home For Sale by Bank” signs. And what about all the protest signs funded by communist groups announcing “What Do We Want? DEAD COPS.” Print shop owners Rejoice! You’ve never had it so good.

And then there are “English as a Second Language” teachers. There may be very few good jobs left in Obama’s America, but if you speak both English and Spanish, the sky is the limit. With the border wide open and Obama announcing amnesty for illegals, celebrate if you are a teacher of “English as a Second Language.” You have the most in-demand job in America for decades to come. Unfortunately, demand for prison guards may soon be even more in demand.

Obama is the greatest thing to ever happen to government bureaucrats. The future is bright if your goal is to sit in a windowless office handing out checks for welfare, food stamps, disability and unemployment, while complaining you are overworked and underpaid. With almost 20 percent of all Americans on food stamps alone, there’s enough work for you to last a lifetime…or at least 20 years, until you retire at age 45 and collect an obscene pension for the next 40 to 50 years for not working.

And what about the boom in basements! With Obama and his socialist cabal in control for another two years, basements are the new hip living space for young adults. At this moment 31 percent of all Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 live with their parents. Obama’s high taxes and massive regulations guarantee millions of college graduates will either stay unemployed, or underemployed in low wage jobs, forcing them to live in mommy and daddy’s basement for years to come. Basements are no longer lonely dusty places to store old furniture. In the age of Obama, they are where you store your 30 year-old unemployed children.

Pharmaceutical companies are celebrating. A record 30 million Americans are dependent on anti-depressants. There would be many more, except millions of depressed Americans self-medicate with alcohol. If you sell drugs or booze, give a shout out this New Year’s to Obama, the greatest salesman for your products ever!

And then, of course there are the cop-haters who are celebrating. To think you used to be misunderstood, hated pariahs. Today you are in favor- with Obama praising you for hating cops. He encourages you to protest, loot, burn and act like exactly what you are- idiots who have no interest in getting a job. But, no worry, this New Year’s you can come out of the closet, celebrate, and be openly YOU!

Unfortunately the rest of us are hiding in the closet, because you’re on the streets.

If you’re a radical Muslim terrorist, or just someone who sympathizes with radical Muslims (i.e. a Democrat) – CELEBRATE! Obama is the best thing to ever happened to you. Under Obama, America has become a politically correct shell of its former self. Rest easy. No more “enhanced interrogations.” And if you’re caught, you’ll live like a king at Guantanamo, provided with a Koran, prayer rug, religiously approved food, basketball courts, and expensive lawyers. Then once you are rested up, you’ll be released back to the battlefield, ready to again cut off heads and slaughter women and little children. Obama is the best thing that ever happened to you.

If you’re Fidel and Raul Castro, celebrate Obama. By opening relations and trade, Obama saved Cuba from economic collapse and the certain death of communism. He asked for nothing in return. You get to remain a communist nation, jail your political opposition, steal the people’s income, while enjoying the prosperity that comes from doing business with America’s biggest companies. Celebrate Obama- the savior of communism- as we enter 2015!

Russian President Vladimir Putin on December 11, 2014 in Delhi, India. Getty Images

Russian President Vladimir Putin on December 11, 2014 in Delhi, India. Getty Images

Finally we come to Vladamir Putin. He’s celebrating “like it’s 1999” this New Year’s. God handed him “the gift of a lifetime” in the form of Barack Obama. Obama pulled off a miracle for Putin and the Russian people. He made your bankrupt, decaying country look like a world power again. He gave your demoralized military swagger again. Obama managed to do something even Putin couldn’t do- put Mother Russia in the driver’s seat and America in the back seat.

The only question is…is this a coincidence, or was this Obama’s plan all along?

Yes, there’s certainly a lot to celebrate as we enter 2015. Unfortunately, it’s the enemies of America who are doing most of the celebrating.

For the rest of us, it’s two long years until we can celebrate an “Obama-Free America.”

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Wayne Allyn Root
Wayne Allyn Root is the author of the new book The Murder of the Middle Class and The Ultimate Obama Survival Guide. Wayne is a former Libertarian Vice Presidential nominee, successful entrepreneur, small business defender, business speaker, Capital Evangelist, and media personality – appearing on over 5,000 interviews in the past five years. Wayne’s web site: ROOTforAmerica.com.

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